Tuesday, April 24, 2012

The Bully Article

Meanness is a sign of weakness.
It isn’t big to make others feel small.
Bullies make others feel insecure because they are insecure.

These are several reminders of what happens in the world every day.   You have been bullied at one time or another.  People have been mean to you for no good reason.  You have lived according to the great principle that you treat others the way you would wish to be treated, but in some sad instances, the reciprocity you hoped for did not happen.  Our children have to cope with bullies, and perhaps more so than in former days, but I only live in the here and now, so I cannot say for sure.  Often we look back with rose colored glasses.
However, what I do know is that bullies come in all shapes, sizes, genders, and ages.  We think of the stereotypical bully as the over sized kid with the pea sized brain on the playground at recess.  But bullies can come in a business suit with a classy degree in wing-tips or pumps, or around a negotiating table among other immediately recognizable world leaders, or in a perky outfit in the pick-up line at the elementary school, or anywhere where two or more people can be found.

Bullies tend to collect a cadre of people who tolerate their behavior as long as it is not foisted on them.  They may not do the bullying, but they stand near by and silently approve.  Or they cheer the bully on, in public or in private.

Perhaps the most noticeable bully in the Bible is found in I Samuel 17.  It is about Goliath, that giant of the Philistines, and therein lies a fabulous phrase for unpacking meaning. 

First of all, Goliath means "uncovered" and in the course of the events of his life, his bullying does get "uncovered" by David.

You recall that Goliath was the weapon of choice of the Philistine army.  Goliath terrorized the Hebrews until he was killed by David with a stone from his sling shot.  Before his undoing, Goliath made the opposition shake in their sandals by the mere mention of his name.  King Saul was so distressed by Goliath that he sent out a request (question: do kings ever request?) for someone who would take Goliath down.  Little David the shepherd boy steps up to do the job and in the process we are shown that David is to be the true king of Israel.
The fact that David takes down the big old bully of the Bible is important to note.  Size doesn't matter.  Strength is not necessarily founded in physical bulk.  Skill is more valuable than bravado.  The experience gained in tending and protecting the weak from predators is more important than the experience gained in picking and winning fights.  Faith and faithfulness are greater than muscle and menace.  All of these are logical conclusions one can draw from the encounter between a bully named Goliath and a shepherd who stood up to him named David.

Did you notice that Goliath fell on his face when struck by the stone from David's sling shot?  Falling on one's face is the ultimate in helplessness.  In worship, one falls on one's face to demonstrate one's total submission to the power of God.  Goliath did not do this willingly, but even so, we are shown that even something as fearsome and blustering as a Goliath is weak and petty in the presence of God Almighty.  David was God's servant, the stone in the sling shot was the means, but it is God who brings the pompous down with a crash, flat on their faces.  Sometime sooner, sometimes later, bullies will be uncovered.

How has the name Goliath come down to us in common usage today?
"He is a real Goliath of a man," we might say.  On the surface it sounds like a compliment.  The speaker is perhaps in awe of the person's colossal size, power or achievements.  But peek behind the use of that phrase and one is sure to sense that the meaning goes deeper.  To describe someone as a Goliath is to say, "They think they're big, but everyone grows older and weaker and duller over time.  Time and truth will prevail.  Just wait..."  Are there any Goliaths in your world today?  People who lord it over you in large or small ways?  Remember what the Lord once did with a precisely aimed pebble.  If God did it then, God will do it again.  And lo how the mighty are fallen!

How has the word "Philistine" come down to us in common usage today?
Philistine is a derogatory term that is used to describe a particular attitude or set of values perceived as despising undervaluing faith, beauty, goodness and wisdom.
A philistine favors things that are superficial, unthinkingly, and is impressed by anything things that are cheap and easy.  If someone calls you a philistine, it is never, ever a compliment. 

It is a long time since the days of David, but there are still Goliaths in our world.  There are Goliaths in our world because there are Philistines in our world, not those who are related by blood to the Philistines of old but those who are of the same mindset.

Sometimes we are actually knocked off of our pins by the audacious ways of bullies who are as they say wolves in sheep's clothing.  And they are very adept at dodging their behavior or rationalizing it away when it is pointed out to them.  You may be told that you have no sense of humor, after a bully has belittled you using a twisted form of humor as a weapon.  And some long-in-the-tooth bullies like to use their age as an excuse for their meanness.  Age is not an excuse.  If you are well enough to be able to sit up and take nourishment you are well enough to be kind.  Period.
Sometimes people will say of a bully, "Oh that's just Name." as if to say that a person can be excused from being nasty because they have always been nasty and will always be nasty.  No.  Not true. 
The other day, when speaking of a particularly irritating bully, someone said to me, "Bullies will never be missed once they are gone!"

As one of my former colleagues would say: "TRUE!"
Now, as to that observation, whether she meant that as in "when they leave your presence" or "when they leave this earth" for their eternal reward or punishment, she was speaking truth.
It may help to keep these reminders in mind.

Or these quotations from those who have shared in the painful experience of at least one insufferable bully in their lives:

“If you're horrible to me, I'm going to write a song about it, and you won't like it. That's how I operate.”
Taylor Swift

“When people hurt you over and over, think of them like sand paper. They may scratch and hurt you a bit, but in the end, you end up polished and they end up useless.”
Chris Colfer

“Some people won't be happy until they've pushed you to the ground. What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.”
― Donna Schoenrock


“What if the kid you bullied at school, grew up, and turned out to be the only surgeon who could save your life?”
Lynette Mather

To which one might add..."or the minister who will speak at your funeral."

Perhaps the kindest think you can do, when you see someone being bullied, is to calmly and plainly tell the one doing the bullying that what they are doing is wrong, and that it will not be tolerated.  Bullies expect people to stay quiet and polite and "nice" when they are busy being nasty to others.  You will help stop the behavior in so much as you are vocal, direct and true, which is nicer than being nice.

And, for all who have been bullied, this truth...

“First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

Peace, friends.

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